Monroe

Couple Arrested for Having Make-up Sex in Someone’s Yard

Key West’s own, Stephen Dean and Teresa Behan, were fighting, but then decided to make-up in the most-intimate way possible, regardless of who was watching.

Dean and Behan were arguing, but found some common ground in the relationship, then found some ground to have sex on. The problem, it was in someone else’s yard.

The homeowner who called police said she heard them yelling at each other and then heard them banging each other, that’s when she peeked out to catch them in the sultry art of public indecency.

Police arrived on the scene to find the couple lying on the ground, post-hump, smelling of booze.

Needless to say, they were both arrested.

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Man Gets Drunk and Calls 9-1-1 to Talk About Sexy Things

A 44-year-old Robert Nathan Salwin, of Marathon, Fla., thought it would be a hoot to call 9-1-1 and throw out obscenities and sexually graphic language at the dispatcher.

He was wrong.

He was arrested and charged with misuse of an emergency phone number. His language was apparently so offensive that it could not be included in the initial press release. So, our guess, it went beyond poo-poo talk.

Per the recordings, police were able to track Salwin down and arrested him. He’s also quite popular and well-known around the station as he is frequently arrested for alcohol-related charges.

He is currently jailed without bond.

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Plumber Uses $7K in City Funds to Purchase Personal Items

Trenton Lamont Richardson Jr, 32-years-old, is in hot water, after using more than $7,000 in city funds to purchase personal items, like Yeti coolers and new power tools.

City officials claim Richardson was using city accounts at various hardware stores to purchase the ‘odd purchases’.

His father, Richard Sr, works in the human resources office for the city. He claims his son did nothing wrong, despite the fact his son has admitted to making the purchases, as well as admitting to using government property to conduct construction work on the side.

Richardson started in the position almost a year ago, earning nearly $43,000 per-year, but was immediately fired and charged with felony fraud. He is currently being held at the Stock Island Detention Center on $100K bond.

The investigation is ongoing as Richardson could still face more charges.

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Man Gives Women Ride Home, Engages in Butt Naked Fight

Two Georgia tourists may never come back to South Florida again after being seemingly kidnapped by the lunatic that is Joseph Aaron McNeal.

McNeal offered to give the women a ride home after drinking at a Key West bar, which they agreed to. He said he needed to ‘stop by his house to check on his sick dog’ when everything went to shit.

It started off light as the three of them were popping shots, but when he left the room for a few minutes, only to return fully nude, the women realized what kind of scenario it was.

When the women tried to leave, McNeal blocked the door, which led to fisticuffs. He apparently put his hands on one of the women’s throats and pushed her. They then tried to exit through the back, which led to him pushing them down stairs.

The women took cover in some mangroves until the deputies arrived and then re-emerged to identify McNeal as the attacker.

He was charged with two counts of battery and resisting arrest.

No news yet as to how the dog is doing.

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Man Denied Filet-O-Fish, Proceeds to Rage

Let’s be honest here. If you’re ordering fish from a fast food burger chain, you’re already a psycho. That said, a ‘crazed’ lunatic is being investigated by police because he went nuts that a McDonald’s crew gave him the wrong order and decided to attack a car.

After leaving the drive-through and noticing he didn’t have his fish sandwich, he proceeded to exit his vehicle, grab a shopping cart and bash it into the side of someone else’s car.

The yet-unknown suspect then fled the scene and is wanted on a felony charge for criminal mischief. The investigation is ongoing.

The attack caused $2,000 in damages. Once caught, he will be facing up to five years in prison and could incur upward of $5,000 in fines.

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Discontinued Cinnabons Makes Dude Break a Window

Don’t ever tell 19-year-old Dustin Riley Tyrrell that he can’t have his Cinnabon!

The bro, who may be bipolar, got some bad news in that the Wendy’s on Duval Street no longer carries sweet cinnamon rolls, so he decided to do something about it. He hurled a softball-sized rock at the window, smashing it and screaming, “They don’t sell Cinnabons anymore!”

He was arrested on felony charges of criminal damage and a weapons offense. The damage done in replacing the window will cost $2,500.

The rock was claimed as evidence as Tyrrell is currently jailed at a detention center on $15,000 bond.

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