Florida Couple

Sunday Funnies, Vol. 24

  1. Palm Reader Scams Mother Out of $70K, Saying Her Daughter is Possessed – Tracey Milanovich was charged with larceny, intimidation of a witness and obtaining property by trick after telling a Massachusetts woman that her daughter was possessed by a demon. Milanovich told the mother that she needed all the money, which totaled north of $70,000, to ‘banish the demon from her daughter’s body’. The scam resulted in a total of roughly $71K (READ).
  2. Man Steals Truck (and Goat), Taking Both on Three-State Drive – Brandon Kirby, 40-years-old, carjacked a truck outside of a adult video store in Missouri recently. The pickup also had a sleeping man and a goat inside of it as well. The incident started when the driver of the truck went in to buy some porn and the passenger fell asleep. When he woke up, a masked man was driving. Kirby pistol-whipped the man and threatened him numerous times, before finally leaving him (and the goat) on the side of the road. In all, the ordeal lasted over 130 miles, from Missouri to Oklahoma, while Kirby was high on meth. Kirby was finally arrested and garnered a laundry list of charges, including kidnapping, felony possession of a firearm and grand theft (READ).
  3. Man Threatens Woman with BB Gun – A 31-year-old Ryon Dean Walters, of Idaho Falls, threatened a woman with a BB gun recently. Walters allegedly pointed the gun and informed the woman he’d shoot. No information was given as to what caused the incident, but a witness saw Walters leave his vehicle with the pistol in-hand. He was arrested on charges of aggravated assault after police found a container of BBs and some CO2 cartridges as well (READ).
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Couple Arrested After Fistfight Over The Kelly Clarkson Show

A 55-year-old Ronald Meyer and his girlfriend, Linda Donahower (61), got so heated over an argument over a segment from The Kelly Clarkson Show, that it resulted in both being arrested for domestic battery.

You read that correctly.

Donahower and Meyer, at their shared Clearwater home, got into a verbal altercation when she punched Meyer in the shoulder and told him to ‘shut up’ because he was ‘annoying her’. Meyer then climbed on top of her and punched her in the face, which left a visible red mark and swelling.

His reasoning for doing it, ‘to get her to calm down’. Wow!

The arresting officer noted that the couple, who have been together for 14 years, were both intoxicated.

Both were booked on charges of misdemeanor mutual domestic battery.


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Woman, Following Split with Boyfriend, Drives Through Assisted-Living Home

A 19-year-old Yesnia Guzman, a Tallahassee native, was visiting her now ex-boyfriend in Baton Rouge, when she broke-up with him and then crashed her car into a senior citizen home.

Guzman smashed into two other cars as she peeled back out of the parking spot at her ex’s home, which caused her to go nearly straight through the assisted-living home. She also hit two beds where people were sleeping.

The teenage mother also had her two children in the car, neither were hurt.

No injuries were reported as all inhabitants were sleeping, however, Guzman was charged with: hit and run, felony child endangerment and reckless driving.

She remained in Parish Jail overnight and no bond has been announced.


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Following Argument with Girlfriend, Man Punches Everything

Shortly after a disagreement with his girlfriend, Destinee Fernandez, a 23-year-old Hunter Thomas Bleich started putting fists to everything, because he’s a tough guy!

Bleich first began his temper tantrum at a gas station, when he began punching gas pumps and then entered the car wash and started laying haymakers on the equipment inside.

By the time police arrived, he had already moved on to assaulting a tree, having punched it numerous times. He was sitting on the ground next to his car, his lady in the passenger seat, while enjoying a post-fit cigarette.

He admitted to police that he was so angry after the fight that it caused him to punch everything. Police could smell alcohol on his breath, of which, he also confessed having just left a Christmas party as well.

Before being arrested, he started screaming at Fernandez again, over one of the officers, which prompted them to place him in handcuffs.

Once booked, Bleich started punching the concrete walls at the Naples Jail Center as well.

Bleich made bond and awaits his date in court. Anger management, maybe?


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Woman Arrested for Allegedly Swindling Elderly Husband Out of $1 Million

The 26-year-old wife of Richard Rappaport (77), Lin Helena Halfon, tried to cash a check for $1 million recently and, when that didn’t work, she tried to do it another way.

Halfon first attempted to submit a cashier’s check for the full amount at a Tampa bank, claiming she was using it to buy her new husband a yacht.

When denied, she returned, this time with three checks written out for $333,333. She was refused again and the bank called the police.

Investigators notified Rappaport, who initially wanted to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, in hopes she would not be deported back to her native Israel.

However, days later, she was successful in cashing two checks for $666,000 in Orlando, but the third check, for the remaining $333,000 was frozen.

Rappaport, the president of Panther Medical, believes now that his marriage was a scam for his money and that he was indeed a victim of fraud.

Something tells us that this newly-wed couple is about to split up.

Source. | Source.

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Polyamorous Woman Has Four Live-In Options as to Who the Father Could Be

Tory Ojeda is 20-years-old and polyamorous and pregnant. She has four live-in boyfriends and may now know who the father of her unborn child may be.

Ojeda shares her Jacksonville, Fla., home with Ethan, Marc, Christopher and Travis, swapping each in-and-out of bed every night.

The bizarre love story launched three years ago, when Ojeda met Marc, then 18-years-old, in high school. A couple of months later, she started also seeing Travis (23), to whom she is now also engaged to. Shortly thereafter, both Ethan (22) and Christopher (22) came into the picture. The latter, she is certain, is the father.

Her baby girl, which is due in February, is indeed that of Chris, as the timing lines up with the conception date. The two were on vacation together.

Come February, things are going to get crazy as the house expands to six, but also gives the baby many different options to call, ‘dad’.

Ojeda admits that it won’t be easy, as the four men have had tiffs of jealousy over the past few years, especially considering her engagement to the oldest in the house, Travis. However, she swears they have all talked it out and are all on good terms. To that we say, ew.

She goes on to admit that it is exhausting to share the same roof with four different men as she has encouraged the other boyfriends, not her fiance, to pursue other women.

An “endless loop of ‘go ask your dad'” is en route and things are about to get super dysfunctional or will all workout, should the four men combine responsibilities to be a super dad.

All parties involved hope that society will eventually ‘come around’ and be open to the family of five’s relationship as a legitimate ‘throuple’. Ew.


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Woman Buys Toy From Goodwill and Family Finds Loaded Rifle Inside Box

A Florida mom, Veronica Alvarez-Rodriguez, recently purchased a Baby Einstein bouncer, in a sealed box, but when her husband opened it at home, the couple found a Mossberg 715T semi-automatic rifle with ammo boxes as well.

Alvarez-Rodriguez went to Florida Goodwill where she claims you can find ‘the best treasures for $9.99’, but we doubt she meant an apocalypse-conquering and loaded semi-automatic rifle for a baby shower.

The Baby Einstein bouncer, unopened, appeared to be brand new and was purchased for $10. The recipient family, specifically, the father, shouted, ‘You guys got me a gun!’, while some guests laughed, the purchasing couple were shocked and instantly called the Crestview Police Department.

Officers arrived at the party, ensured that the purchasing couple were not felons and confiscated the weapon.

The incident currently remains under investigation, including how the weapon and ammo got into the box in the first place.


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Woman Participates in Seance and Kicks Man in Groin

You might remember the psycho that is Kristie Johnson. Earlier this year, she left her five kids in the car so she could go get drunk at the bar.

Well, she’s in the news again.

Johnson, following a night of drinking, one which included a seance and knocking a man unconscious, is back in jail.

A sober Kenneth Drake was no match for a drunken Johnson. As he was chugging brews and trying to watch NFL Monday Night Football, Johnson wanted attention. She would not be denied.

So, as a form of couples mediation, the two gathered around a candle-lit room to call on spirits!?

Well, the seance didn’t help. Johnson began punching him, grabbed him by the hair and also dragged, scratched and bit him, all while kicking him, but culminating with a huge dong punt, thus crippling the man.

Maybe a spirit made her do it? Did the seance actually work? Were spirits conjured? Was Johnson possessed!?

Drake said, following the attack, that Johnson is never allowed back in his house. He also opted to press charges.

Johnson is currently in the Charlotte County Jail on domestic battery charges.



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Woman Accuses Boyfriend of Cheating, Threatens Him with Knife and Bites His Penis

Some couples sit down and have a logical conversation to work things out. That’s how you know whether you have something that works.

In the case of 33-year-old Esperanza Gomez, you can also threaten your boyfriend with knife and then bite his love-making tool too.

That’s right, an hours-long drinking binge led to a 3am argument in which Gomez accused her unnamed boyfriend of cheating because of the female friend who joined the couple. After said friend departed, she started to become enraged with jealousy and shouted at him, held his arms and poked him with a knife.

Finally, the cherry on top, she then went down and bit his penis out of frustration.

Gomez was arrested with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Her bond stands at $6,500 because peenie biting is frowned upon.


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Police Find Kilo of Meth Stashed in Couple’s Box of Tide

Laundry day can apparently mean a lot of different things. For this Florida couple, making their way through Texas, it means to kick back and do some meth.

Deputies, via a drug-sniffing canine, found methamphetamine hidden in a laundry detergent box, as well as some marijuana for good measure, as they made their way along I-10. The alleged, Ryan Davis (Clearwater), 35-years-old and Erica Lang (35 – St. Petersburg), were initially stopped for a traffic violation and refused to let the car be searched by deputies.

The good pup, ‘Mygo’ did an open-air sniff and indicated that there were indeed narcotics in the automobile. Cops searched the car to find over a kilo of meth, tucked away in a detergent box and THC gummies and hydroponic weed as well, measuring two scales.

It was apparently party time!

Lang actually gave police a fake name because, news flash, she has eight warrants out for her arrest in Florida for charges like possession and distribution.

The two were booked, charged with possession of a controlled substance and await being sent back to Florida.


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