Florida Woman Today

Sunday Funnies, Vol. 26

  1. Woman Kicks Officer in Groin During Arrest – A 43-year-old Sharee Sandoval had the police called on her during a verbal dispute with her boyfriend recently. The two had been drinking and arguing at the Roadway Inn Motel. It resulted in Sandoal ‘mule kicking’ the arresting officer in the groin. As she continued to kick at the officer, he was forced to punch her in the back of the head. She’s currently in Gallatin County Jail (Montana) on $5K bond (READ).
  2. Man’s Photos Go Viral After Being Locked in 24-Hour Fitness – Dan Hill, a Utah native, was left inside his gym after employees had left, locking him behind the front door. So, he made the most of it, posting pictures of himself swimming and navigating the gym, calling it really a ’20-Hour Fitness’. Just before 1 am, after phoning police, the doors were unlocked and he posted a picture noting his freedom (READ).
  3. Woman in Disguise Tries on Watch and Runs Out of the Mall – Video captured a woman in disguise, decked out in sunglasses and a fur coat, at an S.M. Diamond Center at the North DeKalb Mall in Atlanta recently, as she is seemingly pondering the purchase, and then runs out of the store. The Rolex is valued at just under $5,000 and she made her getaway in a Mitsubishi Eclipse Cross, which was waiting for her outside. The owner runs around the corner in an attempt to catch her in a heated foot race, however, the woman was able to escape successfully (WATCH).
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Woman Enters Walmart to Use Unpaid Items to Attempt to Make a Bomb

A 37-year-old Emily Stallard can now be branded as a domestic terrorist, after entering a Walmart, grabbing items of the shelves and attempting to make a bomb, in-store, while also with her young child in tow.

That’s right, Stallard assembled all items, made a makeshift bomb and attempted to detonate it in the supercenter. She was thwarted, however, thanks in part, to a security guard who noticed her roaming numerous aisles while accumulating multiple flammable materials and projectiles.

The security guard also notified an off-duty Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation officer who was also in the store at the time of the incident. The two were able to stop her just as she was attempting to light the wick of the hand-made bomb.

Sheriffs on the scene noted she had all the necessary items to ’cause a mass destruction’, so she definitely knew what she was doing.

Big ups to the two officers in-store for stopping what could have been a devastating incident!

Stallard is currently being held on $8,500 bond and has a laundry list of charges against her, including: attempted arson of a structure, child abuse and, as she was being taken away, battery on a law enforcement officer, because she decided to spit on the arresting deputy.


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Sunday Funnies, Vol. 25

  1. Man Calls Cops on Girl During Rough Sex – A 24-year-old Kristan Parris got a little too into it during a recent love-making session with her boyfriend, Taylor Hayes. She started to bite and scratch him, which prompted Hayes to phone police during sex. She also apparently punched him several times, leaving bite marks, scratches and bruises, which were all shown to police. She had taken off prior to police arriving, so a warrant was issued. She was later booked on domestic violence and assault charges, while serving some time in Metro Nashville Jail (READ).
  2. Men’s Beards May Contain More Germs Than Dog’s Fur – That’s right, a bearded man may indeed carry more yucky than a sweet doggy dogg, per a recent study. The test took samples of 18 men and 30 dogs, resulting in higher microbial counts in the beards than in the dogs and seven of those men contained health-threatening germs as well (READ).
  3. Parrot’s ‘Let Me Out’ Cries Prompts Police Visit – A neighbor heard ‘chilling cries’ of someone crying ‘let me out’ recently and called police. Turns out, it was her neighbor’s pet parrot. The Parrot’s name is Rambo and it doesn’t like being in a cage. Video shows the neighbor working on his car, the parrot crying out and police arriving (WATCH).
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Woman Hits Man with BMW, Attempts to Pee on Deputy

A 20-year-old Serina Maris Probus was stoked to get her mugshot, however, her charges are serious and she’ll surely lose that big smile real soon.

Probus is facing numerous felony charges in two-different incidents … IN THE SAME NIGHT!!!

She first hit a man with her BMW while strung out on cocaine and then tried to take a hot, steamy piss on the arresting officer.

She’s a class act.

Probus, drunk and high, first left her sister-in-law’s holiday party, her 6-month-old baby in tow, despite attempts by the family and friends to keep her at the home. She also bit said sister on the hand.

When being placed in the patrol car, shortly after hitting the man with her BMW SUV, she had to be restrained and placed in hobbles. This is when she attempted to pee on the officer and also spit on him.

So, to reiterate, she’s a class act.

She’s chilling in Pasco County Jail with charges of domestic violence, felony battery, felony aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and a few more misdemeanor charges as well, for good measure.


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Woman Arrested for Threatening McDonald’s Employees Over Dipping Sauces

A 19-year-old Maguire Marie McLaughlin wanted sauce for her nuggets, so she told a McDonald’s employee if she didn’t get any, there’d be trouble.

It turns out, she didn’t get the sauce she wanted for her chicken nuggets, but the employee claimed she wanted extra sauce, which costs $0.25-per-container. An argument ensued.

McLaughlin then stated she will ‘get the sauce by whatever means possible’ and that she would ‘come back and rob the restaurant’.

This pampered princess is clearly used to getting anything she wants, but not this time! Police arrived on the scene and took her into custody on disorderly conduct. She also had to be placed in restraints because she kept locking her legs as officers tried to take her away.

McLaughlin was arrested on threatening to rob charges and currently resides in Indian River County Jail.


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Woman Tosses Bucket of Human Feces on Landlord

A 65-year-old Joanne Mercader apparently keeps a trusty bucket of her feces handy in case of home invasion. In this instance, her landlord.

That’s right, Mercader claims she meant to soak him with a bucket of water, but instead flung her collection of poop in a bucket.


Mercader initially claimed her landlord broke in to assault her, but was found with dried feces on her face and on her clothes.

Both women, covered in feces are now face-to-face with police at this point. She first claimed she didn’t know why either of them had poop on them, but later redacted her story to say she meant to grab the bucket of water and not poop, both of which, she apparently keeps at the ready in the bathroom.

Finally, after an awkward back-and-forth of trying to explain why people had human poop all over each other, the woman admitted to waiting at the ready for her landlord to open the door, when she chucked the bucket at her, drenching her in liquid poo.

Mercader was arrested for battery on a person of 65-years or older.


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Sunday Funnies, Vol. 24

  1. Palm Reader Scams Mother Out of $70K, Saying Her Daughter is Possessed – Tracey Milanovich was charged with larceny, intimidation of a witness and obtaining property by trick after telling a Massachusetts woman that her daughter was possessed by a demon. Milanovich told the mother that she needed all the money, which totaled north of $70,000, to ‘banish the demon from her daughter’s body’. The scam resulted in a total of roughly $71K (READ).
  2. Man Steals Truck (and Goat), Taking Both on Three-State Drive – Brandon Kirby, 40-years-old, carjacked a truck outside of a adult video store in Missouri recently. The pickup also had a sleeping man and a goat inside of it as well. The incident started when the driver of the truck went in to buy some porn and the passenger fell asleep. When he woke up, a masked man was driving. Kirby pistol-whipped the man and threatened him numerous times, before finally leaving him (and the goat) on the side of the road. In all, the ordeal lasted over 130 miles, from Missouri to Oklahoma, while Kirby was high on meth. Kirby was finally arrested and garnered a laundry list of charges, including kidnapping, felony possession of a firearm and grand theft (READ).
  3. Man Threatens Woman with BB Gun – A 31-year-old Ryon Dean Walters, of Idaho Falls, threatened a woman with a BB gun recently. Walters allegedly pointed the gun and informed the woman he’d shoot. No information was given as to what caused the incident, but a witness saw Walters leave his vehicle with the pistol in-hand. He was arrested on charges of aggravated assault after police found a container of BBs and some CO2 cartridges as well (READ).
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Couple Arrested After Fistfight Over The Kelly Clarkson Show

A 55-year-old Ronald Meyer and his girlfriend, Linda Donahower (61), got so heated over an argument over a segment from The Kelly Clarkson Show, that it resulted in both being arrested for domestic battery.

You read that correctly.

Donahower and Meyer, at their shared Clearwater home, got into a verbal altercation when she punched Meyer in the shoulder and told him to ‘shut up’ because he was ‘annoying her’. Meyer then climbed on top of her and punched her in the face, which left a visible red mark and swelling.

His reasoning for doing it, ‘to get her to calm down’. Wow!

The arresting officer noted that the couple, who have been together for 14 years, were both intoxicated.

Both were booked on charges of misdemeanor mutual domestic battery.


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Woman Admits to Stealing Makeup, Just to See if She ‘Could Get Away with It’

A 19-year-old Marina Ruemmely did the crime and is ready to do the time, after stealing makeup from Walmart to quote, ‘She’s young and wanted to see if she could get away with it.’

The Winter Haven Walmart loss prevention officer stated he witnessed Ruemmely put the makeup in her cart and, after heading to the back of the store, place it all in her purse. She then left the cart there and walked all out of the store with the items in her purse.

He then stopped Ruemmely short of the parking lot and held her in his office till police came. Upon arrival, she admitted she did it because ‘she was young and wanted to see if she could get away with it’.

The makeup in her purse totaled, $142.37. She was arrested for petit theft.


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Woman, Following Split with Boyfriend, Drives Through Assisted-Living Home

A 19-year-old Yesnia Guzman, a Tallahassee native, was visiting her now ex-boyfriend in Baton Rouge, when she broke-up with him and then crashed her car into a senior citizen home.

Guzman smashed into two other cars as she peeled back out of the parking spot at her ex’s home, which caused her to go nearly straight through the assisted-living home. She also hit two beds where people were sleeping.

The teenage mother also had her two children in the car, neither were hurt.

No injuries were reported as all inhabitants were sleeping, however, Guzman was charged with: hit and run, felony child endangerment and reckless driving.

She remained in Parish Jail overnight and no bond has been announced.


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